YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
