i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
