theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
