i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
...so i touched it.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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