He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
