Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
