P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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