one two three fourrrrnication!
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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