Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
