Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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