Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Randomize
