So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
