There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
