are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
