please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
