Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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