I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
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