This house was built for laser tag.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
