I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
