The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
