my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
