please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
