im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
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