you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
