At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
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