girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
