sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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