need another drink. this is the easiest way
Betty ford says i'm here all night
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
