I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
