I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Randomize
