I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
