Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Randomize
