I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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