Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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