ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
