He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
