what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
