My hand turned me down
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
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