C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
