i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Randomize
