good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
