No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
