Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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