just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
