Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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