we're chasing vodka with high fives
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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