i think my tv is drunk
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
