Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
