You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
