how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I am midnight drunk by noon
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
