I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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