they said they heard you say put it in my butt
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
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