I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
