If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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