i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Randomize
