he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
