Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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