last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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