I wish I only lived at night.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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